Spelling those words since the early 80s / Purveyor of fine lines

I’ve had a busy old life so far: packing quiches in a refrigerated factory in blue plastic shoes, painting theatres at the Edinburgh Festival just so I could get free croissants from a daily breakfast show, photocopying tenancy agreements for Charlie Brooks (Janine from Eastenders), selling books to customers who insist 1984 was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and working in publishing for nine years. These days, I slave over a hot desk as an author and freelance copywriter.

Get in touch here to find out all the glorious words I could pour right into your brain.

It's Nice That

Oh Happy Day

The Bloggess

Yoruba Girl Dancing

You Are My Fave

What I'd Wear

I am a Leaf on the Wind

Gravity

The real true truthy truth about babies

If you feel like you just don’t have time to read a 300-plus page book, have I got great news for you! Marvellous @Lellymo has summed up very many of my feelings on pregnancy, childbirth, feeding and all that jazz, but so hilariously that I woke up everyone in my house laughing at it. Those slumbering fools. If you’ve bought in to any of the myths about any of this stuff, have a read and enjoy the sensation of weighty, placenta-laden scales being lifted from your eyes. (Oh, sorry.)

Her thoughts on boobs

"You get lulled into a false sense of security at first, when you’re just making a few drops at a time of golden liquid called colostrum and that’s all the baby needs. Then a few days later your milk comes in and shit gets real, real quick. If you don’t know what to expect you might worry about how your breasts feel. So, I’ll tell you, they will feel like a big old tight bag of walnuts wrapped in a silk handkerchief. I give you this information so you don’t have to wander round going ‘does this feel normal or am I turning to stone’ and offering your tits to everyone you meet LIKE I DID.

Other boob stuff – when you feed your baby with one breast, the other one will feel all left out and start aching and producing milk as well. How splendid, you think, I am actually leaking milk. Congratulations, for it will also happen in the following circumstances:

- When your baby cries

- When another baby cries

- When you think about your baby a bit too hard

- When your boobs are too full

- Tuesdays.”

FACT.

Quoted with the v kind permission of the author - read the whole great thing here